Cowards and Love!

Note: by coward in the title and below, I mean a person that knows that an action is needed to keep or obtain a relationship and they want to take that action but fear holds them back.

I saw some posts commenting on the unrealistic expectations set by fictional love stories and it got me thinking about a couple of things that my society associates with love. There’s a lot of media out there about couples where 1 of them or both go through drastic measures to be with the other. Like those mentioned by the popular song I associate with Diana Ross even though there’s an epic older duet version by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell: “Ain’t no mountain high, ain’t no valley low, ain’t no river wide enough, to keep me from getting to you”. Outside media, these actions aren’t so drastic but they’re still there. There’s this idea that how much we’re willing to do for someone not only proves that we do love them but to what extent we love them. I used to agree with this but lately I’m wondering, “what about the people who are too afraid to act like that? What about those who are too scared to take certain-sized risks for someone? Do they really love the person any less?”

If someone made you the offer “you can choose between 2 people: person 1 who loves you very much and will do anything for you no matter the consequences or person 2 who loves you very much and won’t do anything risky or with big consequences”, who would you choose? In my society, person 2 comes off as someone whose emotions should be questioned. The reason behind their lack of action is rarely sought and the person is judged on simply what they don’t do. To me, this is misleading because there’s a big difference between someone who won’t do something because they’re scared and someone who won’t do it because they can’t be bothered to. So how can we correctly associate one’s love with how much they’re willing to do for another? For it to be accurate, it would mean that those too afraid to behave in certain ways don’t truly love the other at all. How can we be certain? How many of us would actually follow through on what we think we’d do for a loved one?

I also wonder what it’s like for them. To have this pressure that they should be risk-takers and to express their heart in measurable ways. That being over-run by fear when it comes to love makes them judged as weak and unworthy. I’ve always imagined myself as someone who would literally run to someone if they needed me even in a large rainstorm or snowstorm but I’ve never had the situation actually occur to me – which is a good thing because realistically, I’d have an asthma attack 2 blocks down the road. However, there are people out there who are so scared that they can’t even take some necessary steps, whatever that may be for their situation: moving cities, refusing a job offer in order to stay in the same city, asking to be forgiven for a mistake they’ve made. I feel wrong thinking that they love someone any less because of their cowardism. Those people can probably love immensely as well. So how do we know what they feel other than by purely and completely believing their words? And does it affect a relationship if 1 person is willing to do so much and another is unwilling to do the same? Do we need to put the brave with the brave and the cowards with the cowards? I’m a big believer in balance both in oneself and relationships but I’d feel very insecure if I were the only one taking risks. Then again, isn’t the real risk risking our hearts? If everyone in the relationship is risking their hearts, doesn’t that prove that the love is true? It should be enough and yet, part of me feels that it isn’t and I’m not sure why.